


Just Have To Face It

by Sokkas_First_Fangirl



Series: I Lay My Life Before You [25]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: (not graphic though), Alpha Brian, Alpha Roger Taylor (Queen), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Anxiety, Beta David Minns, Beta John Deacon, Break Up, Depression, Getting Together, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Jealousy, M/M, Omega Freddie Mercury, Omega Verse, Suicide Attempt, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25768957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sokkas_First_Fangirl/pseuds/Sokkas_First_Fangirl
Summary: "Despite the rumours and bad press, David remained besotted. He didn’t see Freddie as rude at all. He thought he seemed charming, funny; witty. Strikingly handsome, bubbly and sweet. Maybe he was wild, but surely that came with the territory? It was only to be expected. He was sure Freddie wasn’t what people said he was.It was a crush. A happy daydream.A fantasy.Truth be told, he put too much stock into the idea of Freddie, rather than the man himself."David Minns never expected someone like Freddie Mercury to look his way, so it's no wonder he's in shock when Freddie agrees to a date.It feels like a dream come true: to have the infamous Omega that everyone wants on his arm.But dreams don't account for reality, and it seems nothing lasts forever.OR: A study in David and Freddie's relationship, and David himself.
Relationships: Dominique Beyrand/Roger Taylor, Freddie Mercury/David Minns, past Joe Fanelli/Freddie Mercury
Series: I Lay My Life Before You [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1256678
Comments: 32
Kudos: 37





	1. Blank Space

**Author's Note:**

> *rolls up late with Starbucks* Took me long enough, eh? 👀 This was meant to be a one-shot, but it quickly spiraled out of control, as per usual.
> 
> Thanks to Taylor Swift for writing "folklore" and getting me out of my writing slump with this series 😅

**London, 1976** **  
** **_“On such a breathless night as this, upon my brow the lightest kiss, I walked alone. And all around the air did say ‘My lady soon will stir this way, in sorrow known.’ The White Queen walks and the night grows pale; stars of lovingness in her hair. Needing- unheard. Pleading- one word. So sad, my eyes. She cannot see.” -White Queen,_ ** **Queen**

Maybe he should have waited longer. It was probably bad form to ask someone out, when they were so recently single. Particularly when one of their exes was across the room with his new girlfriend.

David eyed Roger warily. He had an arm around Dominique’s waist, and Freddie was across the room talking with John Reid. They were broken up, but everyone knew Roger was still insanely protective of Freddie. There were always rumours that they were about to get back together.

And then there was that American fellow, Joe Fanelli. He and Freddie had broken up barely two weeks ago; contrary to Freddie and Roger’s break-up, Freddie and Joe’s had barely gotten any press coverage. Then again, David supposed that was a good thing. 

He’d come to this party not just because he was invited, but because he wanted to finally ask Freddie out. He’d fancied him for ages, and how could he not? Freddie was lively and funny, talented and gorgeous. He’d been stunned when Freddie remembered his name.

David stood by the wall, clutching his glass of beer and trying to tell himself to not be so nervous. As Reid walked away to talk to Jim Beach, David poured a second glass of beer and hurried forward.

“Hi, Freddie,” he said; his throat felt dry and he was just glad his voice didn’t crack or waver. Freddie smiled at him and David held out the second glass of beer.

“Oh, cheers, darling,” Freddie said, taking it. He sipped at it and David tried to force himself to speak, to not just stand there and stare.

“I- Freddie...”

“Yes, David?”

“Do you- well, do you fancy going to dinner sometime?”

Freddie stared at him and he wasn’t smiling anymore. David couldn’t read the look on his face at all. David couldn’t  _ breathe. _

But after a moment, Freddie smiled again.

“That sounds nice, darling.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


He’d fancied Freddie ever since they met. Of course, Freddie was with Roger, so David didn’t dare say anything. He settled for watching Freddie from afar, when David visited his friends at the studio, or when they were at the same parties.

When news of Freddie and Roger’s break-up hit the front pages, David felt awful for him, for all the blame the press heaped on him...But he had to admit, a small part of him wondered if that meant he could ask Freddie out now. If maybe, just maybe, he stood a chance.

Some of his friends encouraged him  _ (“Oh come on, Dave, what’s the worst that could happen?”)  _ but plenty were against it. They cited the rumours: Freddie was wild, promiscuous, a bad example. He was cheeky, downright rude. A  _ rockstar _ of all things, how could David expect anything to really come of it?

He supposed they at least had a point about Freddie’s career. He wasn’t sure how John Deacon juggled the band and his family.

But despite the rumours and bad press, David remained besotted. He didn’t see Freddie as rude at all. He thought he seemed charming, funny; witty. Strikingly handsome, bubbly and sweet. Maybe he was wild, but surely that came with the territory? It was only to be expected. He was sure Freddie wasn’t what people said he was.

It was a crush. A happy daydream.

A fantasy.

Truth be told, he put too much stock into the _ idea _ of Freddie, rather than the man himself.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_“She says, ‘You don't want to get this way: famous, and dumb, at an early age. Lying, I'm lying.’ The boys, the girls, they all like Carmen. She gives them butterflies, bats her cartoon eyes; she laughs like God, her mind's like a diamond. Buy her tonight, she's still shining, like lightning, oh, like lightning.” -Carmen,_ ** **Lana Del Rey**

Some facts about David: he was a Beta, something he’d always been a little insecure about. He often wondered what it would be like to be an Alpha. They always seemed so sure of themselves, unquestionably in charge, strong. Whereas David was quiet, often shy, and he’d struggled with depression since he was a teenager. “On and off,” as he himself put it. He could go weeks, even months, feeling perfectly fine.  _ Happy. _ And then, out of nowhere, or so it always seemed, he’d spiral downwards again.

He watched Freddie, energetic, laughing Freddie and, quite without meaning to, David pinned his hopes on him. He wondered if things would be better, if he could only work up the nerve to  _ really  _ talk to him. He wondered if someone like him even stood a chance with someone like Freddie.

Watching Freddie from a distance, it wouldn’t occur to you that he had problems of his own. Omega discrimination aside, he always seemed so cheerful.

That was the first trap. The first trick. A mask.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Their first date was at a small restaurant. David arrived first and he lingered outside, nervously fiddling with his lighter, anxious thoughts whirling around and around in his brain. Maybe this had been a mistake? Maybe Freddie wouldn’t even turn up? He was  _ Freddie Mercury,  _ why would he want David? He had probably said yes as a joke, or out of pity. He was probably off with his friends, laughing himself silly over David.

But then a small hand grabbed his arm and an all too familiar voice chirped, “I’m sorry I’m late, darling, were you waiting long?” and David looked up, startled, to find Freddie smiling at him, eyes big and earnest.

“Not long,” he lied. “You look- you look lovely.” David grinned himself when he noticed Freddie’s dimples. The Omega glanced away, his smile with a shy edge to it.

“Thank you,” he said and released David’s arm. “You do too.”

It was a small Italian restaurant, and David suddenly worried if it was too cliche, or too small, too cheap- Freddie was...Well. He was  _ Freddie. _ Surely used to fine dining by now.

As if reading his thoughts, Freddie spoke up: “I’ve been craving Italian,” he said, and squeezed David’s arm again.

If anyone recognised Freddie, they didn’t let on, thankfully, though the waiter looked a little star-struck. 

It was admittedly a little awkward at first. They both smiled shyly, neither of them sure what to say. Freddie twisted his bangle around his wrist, glancing at David through his hair.

“So- keeping busy?” David blurted out and could have bitten off his own tongue in mortification.  _ Smooth. Way to be a charmer. _

But Freddie laughed and said, “Busy’s putting it lightly, David!” It seemed to break the ice, because Freddie prattled on about the new songs they were working on, what countries they were thinking of visiting on the next tour, already arguing over what to call their album…

Truthfully, David was a bit lost. He couldn’t quite imagine the level of perfection that Freddie and his friends pushed themselves towards. The high standards they held themselves too. It sounded like they were  _ too _ hard on themselves, expecting the impossible.

And yet, despite calling their whole team, “A group of brain-dead arseholes,” Freddie was smiling. He trailed off, giggling nervously. “Goodness, I must sound like such a bitch,” he said, running a hand through his hair.

“Not at all,” David said. “It sounds like you need to let some steam off.”

“Don’t we all.” Freddie shrugged. “And what about you? I see you around all the time, but I don’t know that much about you.”

“Well-” He wasn’t sure where to start. It sounded like Freddie’s last  _ month  _ had been more interesting than David’s last  _ year.  _ But Freddie was looking at him steadily, like he really cared about David’s answer. He had an open face, David found himself thinking. The kind of expression that encouraged you to open up.

So he did. Relaxing (despite the anxiety still in the pit of his stomach) David told Freddie about himself. His job, his friends, his parents.

And Freddie, to his surprise,  _ listened. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Waking up the next morning, with Freddie in his arms, felt like a dream in itself.

The sun was peeking through a crack in the curtains, and Freddie was fast asleep, curled up small, his nose pressed against David’s shoulder. His hair was ruffled, his skin was soft and smooth. He smelled like flowers and spices, an odd combination, but David had always liked it. He smelled like  _ David.  _ It seemed impossible, but there it was: his scent all over Freddie Mercury. Toffee and banana, mixed with flowers and spices.

David liked it.

Freddie woke with a little yawn and blinked sleepily. At first, he looked a little confused, like he couldn’t quite remember where he was or how he’d gotten there, but he smiled when he realised David was awake.

“Morning,” David said, feeling suddenly, stupidly shy. Christ sake, they’d slept together and  _ now  _ he was struggling to look Freddie in the eye?

“Morning,” Freddie returned with another yawn. He twisted about and reached down to the floor for his shirt. “Is there any tea, darling?”

“Nothing fancy,” David warned him.

“Oh, it can’t be any worse than what I drank in college,” Freddie said with a wave of his hand. He tugged his shirt on and David started to get dressed.

“You went to college?” he asked as he pulled his slippers on. Freddie shot him a bemused look over his thin shoulder. He glanced at his reflection in David’s mirror, pulled a face and began to try and flatten his hair.

“Didn’t you know that? I have an art degree.”

David’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow,” he said. “That’s- that’s really impressive, actually. I don’t...Well I don’t know many Omegas-”

“Who go to college,” Freddie finished for him.

“Right.”

Before the sudden silence could get any more awkward, David said, “I’ll start breakfast. Bathroom’s just down the hall if you need. Towels are in there.” Freddie nodded and David hurried for the kitchen. He didn’t have much in the way of breakfast (he seriously needed to go shopping later), but you could never go wrong with eggs and toast, right?

Freddie didn’t seem to have any complaints. He didn’t clear his plate but then again, David didn’t think he’d ever seen Freddie eat much, not even last night.

The silence didn’t feel awkward this time. It felt comfortable. Just an early-morning silence, both of them still sleepy, sipping at their tea and nibbling their food.

They didn’t talk much, and for once David didn’t mind. His mind was reeling. He still couldn’t believe he’d asked Freddie Mercury on a date. He still couldn’t believe Freddie had said yes.

He’d gone to dinner with Freddie Mercury. He’d slept with Freddie Mercury. In what world did these things happen? Since when did things like this happen to David Minns?

Freddie kissed his cheek when he left, and David pressed a small slip of paper into Freddie’s equally small hand, his phone number scrawled on it.

Freddie smiled, kissed his cheek again.

“I’ll see you later, darling,” he said. There was a spring in his step as he walked down the road. There was almost no one else around; the sun cast strands of gold into his hair, and he walked with his head held high, making himself as tall as he could. He suddenly looked so graceful, surprisingly strong.

At the corner, Freddie paused and looked back. When he saw David he waved and, with one last sashay, he disappeared around the corner.

Only then did David go back inside.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_“So it's gonna be forever, or it's gonna go down in flames. You can tell me, when it's over, if the high was worth the pain? Got a long list of ex lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane, ‘cause you know I love the players and you love the game! 'Cause we're young and we're reckless, we'll take this way too far. It'll leave you breathless, or with a nasty scar.” -Blank Space,_ ** **Taylor Swift**

The first thing David did was make another cup of tea. Then he called his friend, Benny.

Benny worked in the same studio as  _ Queen.  _ It was how David met the band in the first place. He was the first to know that David fancied Freddie. He was the first to know David had asked Freddie out.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Benny said now, the sound crackling as he moved about on the other end of the line. “You’re pulling my leg, Dave.”

“Hand on heart,” David said with a breathless laugh. “Trust me, I don’t believe it either.”

“So- you seeing him again, or what?”

“I hope so.”

Benny exhaled sharply and said, “I’m not helping if Roger kicks your arse.”

“They’re _ broken up!  _ Roger’s with that Dominique woman!”

“Yeah, and Roger’s still  _ Roger.  _ He doesn’t let  _ anyone  _ near Freddie. Remember the story about-”

“I’m not going to  _ hurt  _ him,” David protested, annoyed.

“Calm down, mate,” Benny said, chuckling now. “I know you wouldn’t. Just- it was  _ one _ date. Try not to hope too much.”

“Oh fuck off, Ben.”

“David.”

He sighed, frowning into his now empty cup. “Promise,” he said grudgingly. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Despite that promise, he hoped. He hoped for a lot.

So the next day, when the phone rang, David jumped to answer it.

“David?”

“Freddie! Hi, how are you?”

Freddie laughed a little. “Nothing much to report, darling. And you?”

“Even less to report,” David said. He swore he could  _ feel  _ Freddie smiling.

“The rest of us are going out this weekend; I was wondering if you’d like to come along? It’s nowhere fancy I’m afraid, just a club.”

“Sure,” David said, and he couldn’t have stopped smiling if he’d been paid to. “I’ll be there.”


	2. All Too Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it rains, it pours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for some violence, starting at the lyrics for Taylor Swift's "All To Well" and ending at the lyrics for Panic's "House of Memories." Nothing too graphic, but warning in advance. Stay safe 💕
> 
> This chapter went differently than originally planned, which kind of ended up changing how the next chapter will be too. After much debate, I kept Freddie's POV: to him, David's actions towards the end feel like they're coming from nowhere. However, next chapter will show the build up from David's POV.

**_“Filled the pool with champagne and swam with the big names, and blew through the money on the boys and the ballet, and losing on card game bets with Dalí. And they said, ‘There goes the last great American dynasty! Who knows, if she never showed up, what could've been? There goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen; she had a marvelous time ruining everything.” -The Last Great American Dynasty,_ ** **Taylor Swift**

It was, as Freddie said, just a club. Nothing particularly stand-out about it, except the company David found himself keeping.

_ Queen.  _ Crystal Taylor. A few other roadies and sound guys. Veronica Deacon, Dominique Beyrand and Chrissie Mullen.  _ Elton bloody John.  _

And in the midst of it all was Freddie, shining like a star. He laughed loudly, throwing his head back, hands over his mouth. He casually draped himself over his friends, rolling his eyes and kicking up a good-natured fuss when Crystal picked him up.

To David’s shock, Freddie was nothing but lovely to Dominique. He couldn’t fathom it. Roger had left Freddie for this woman, and yet he was chatting with them both as if nothing was wrong.

“Aren’t you angry?” David asked him when Dominique and Roger went to dance.

Freddie looked clueless. “No?” he said, more of a question than an answer. He smiled when John handed him another drink and turned back to David. “It’s not as big a deal as the press like to claim, David.”

_ You’ll have to forgive me for doubting that,  _ David thought. He watched, frowning, as Roger threw an arm around Freddie’s waist. He felt like an idiot, watching them joke and laugh together, joined at the hip.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The first real argument came a month later. During an interview, Freddie was asked about Joe.

The Omega,  _ David’s  _ Omega, shrugged, looking bored and he lit a cigarette. 

“Well, I don’t know what you’re expecting, dear,” he said cooly. “We don’t talk.”

But the interviewer didn’t let it go, prodding and poking, insinuating that Freddie and Joe were still in contact, that they were-

Freddie rolled his eyes. “Are you interviewing us or writing a piece of fiction?” he asked. Brian snarled and the interviewer fell silent.

Well, he fell silent about Joe. He blatantly asked Roger and Freddie what was going on with them. It seemed no one really believed they were just friends. That Freddie wasn’t pining, heartbroken. That Dominique wasn’t some jealous harpy.

David couldn’t believe it either.

When he was next at Freddie’s house, it came pouring out.

“ _ How _ are you still friends?” he demanded. “You two were all anyone could talk about, everyone’s been blaming _ you _ for the break-up; people thought your band would  _ end.  _ How could you still hang around him?”

Freddie stood as tall as he could, hands on his skinny hips. “He’s my friend,” he said firmly. “My best friend. That’s how.”

“It’s not that simple,” David snapped. “You were-”

_ “We’re over,”  _ Freddie cut across him. “Roger and I are  _ done.  _ I don’t particularly give a shit what everyone says, we’re not getting back together, I’m not secretly sleeping with him, I’m  _ certainly  _ not being fucked by him and Dom.” Anger was blazing in his eyes but there was a sudden, defeated slump to his shoulders. “David, I know it sounds crazy, I do, but I promise you nothing’s going to happen.”

“I see how he looks at you,” David said, more hesitant. “Like- Like you hung the sun in the sky.”

Freddie shook his head with a small smile. A part of David felt like he was being laughed at. A part of him wondered if he was imagining it. “No,” Freddie said quietly. “You don’t.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


**New Year’s Day, 1977** **  
** **_“It's a love story for the new age, for the sixth page, we're on a quick, sick rampage. Wining and dining, drinking and driving; xcessive buying, overdose and dying on our drugs, and our love, and our dreams, and our rage. Blurring the lines between real and the fake. Dark and lonely, I need somebody to hold me. He will do very well, I can tell, I can tell; keep me safe in his bell tower hotel.” -National Anthem,_ ** **Lana Del Rey**

It was...hard. Big days like this, they usually made David spiral. He did his best, but he woke up on New Year’s Day feeling nearly paralysed with terror. He couldn’t quite put it all into words. Nothing bad had happened. The party, hosted by Roger, had felt like something out of a movie.

It was a sense of dread. Of time slipping past too quickly. That David was an outsider, and didn’t belong in this group.

So he clung to Freddie, who was still fast asleep, and tried to push away the fear that Freddie would leave. He tried to remind himself that Freddie wasn’t going anywhere. This wasn’t some weekend fling anymore, they were serious. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Once, after another headline insisted it was only a matter of time before Roger and Freddie got together again, David tore the newspaper in half. Freddie laughed and threw it into the fireplace. _

_ Then, biting his lip, Freddie turned to David with big earnest eyes, wringing his small hands. _

_ “Darling, about Roger and I…You see, EMI...” _

_ “What?” David asked warily. _

_ Freddie hesitated. He looked at the fire and, after an uncomfortably long pause, sighed. He offered David a tired smile. _

_ “You know the press is full of rubbish,” he said. David chuckled and pulled Freddie into his arms. _

_ “You don’t have to tell me twice, Fred.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Freddie hovered anxiously and glanced at David’s lunch, untouched and stone cold on his plate. 

“Darling, if these new meds aren’t working-”

“They’ll kick in.”

“You said that a month ago.” Freddie leaned down to pick up Jerry. The cat purred loudly, butting at Freddie’s shoulder.

“I’m fine.” David pushed away from the table. He hoped his smile was convincing. Freddie was still staring at him, so he doubted it.

“I’m fine,” David repeated more firmly and he pushed Freddie’s hair off his forehead. “What have I got to be upset about?”

Freddie’s face just crumpled. “That’s not how it-” He paused when David kissed his forehead.

“I’ve got you,” David said. “I’m happy, I promise.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ I’ve got you.  _ In hindsight, that was the kicker. 

He had Freddie. He, David Minns, regular old David, had Freddie Mercury on his arm. Famous Freddie,  _ infamous  _ Freddie. Smiling, laughing, singing Freddie. The worldwide sex-symbol, the man everyone wanted. The man people literally tried to bribe Roger for.

David was brought into a world of bright lights, loud music and glamour. The things people dreamed about. So why did he feel like shit?

He felt  _ robbed.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “How are things with Freddie?” Benny asked. David frowned down at his beer and glanced over his shoulder, to where Freddie was dancing with Roger. _

_ “They’re going well,” David said. Truth be told, a part of him wanted to go over there and pull Roger off his boyfriend.  _ You gave him up,  _ he wanted to say, to shout.  _ Let him go.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Let him go.

David couldn’t imagine doing that.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**October, 1977...** **_  
_ ** **_“Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much, but maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up. Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well. You call me up again just to break me like a promise; so casually cruel in the name of being honest, I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here, ‘cause I remember it all, all, all too well...Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it. I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it.” -All Too Well,_ ** **Taylor Swift**

Freddie had known David was up to something, that he’d been (for lack of better phrasing)  _ clingy  _ ever since Valentine’s Day, but…

Oh God.

He hadn’t expected to come home to lit candles and a bottle of fancy wine. He hadn’t expected David to have spent most of the evening cooking, to be pottering about the kitchen in his best shirt and trousers, hair neatly brushed.

“What’s all this?” Freddie asked, suddenly terrified he’d forgotten something major. Their one year anniversary? No, surely not, that wasn’t for another week. Were either of them away or busy for it? He couldn’t recall. Had David gotten a promotion? He’d said work was going well.

“It’s just a surprise,” David said and Freddie relaxed, putting his coat away.

“Don’t scare me like that,” he said, laughing. “God, darling, I thought I’d-” He turned back around and froze, mouth hanging open.

David was on one knee, holding a little black box. He looked heart-breakingly earnest as he opened it, revealing a diamond ring.

Perhaps absurdly, Freddie wanted to cry. Tears stung his eyes and he bit the inside of his cheek, struggling to keep it together.

_ Don’t,  _ he thought.  _ Oh, please don’t. It’s too fast, I’m not ready.  _

He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to watch this all crash and burn.

But he couldn’t say yes.

“Darling…”

“I love you,” David said quickly. “You know I love you, Freddie. You’re  _ amazing.  _ You’re always...You’re so  _ kind.  _ You’re lovely, and gorgeous, and I want to be with you.”

“You are with me,” Freddie said weakly.

“I want to marry you,” David said. He held Freddie’s gaze. “I love you.”

Freddie loved him too. He hadn’t expected to love him as quickly as he did. When David asked him out, he’d been at a low point. He’d felt like utter shit. And there was David, shy, witty and handsome, asking him on a date. Freddie had expected a date or two, but hadn’t been sure beyond that.

He quickly grew to adore David. It went from a fling to a full-blown relationship quickly. 

Too quickly, it seemed.

Freddie loved him. He didn’t want to hurt him.

Was there really an easy option here? Was there anything he could say that wouldn’t end with this blowing up in their faces?

He knew the answer.

Freddie closed his eyes. “No.” He shook his head quickly, clenching his fists. “I’m sorry,” he said, his breathing hitching oddly. “No.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


It was seared into David’s brain forever but, afterwards, it came to Freddie in flashes.

David getting quiet and standing up. Hastily trying to reassure David that Freddie loved him, but it was far too soon to even be thinking of marriage, this wasn’t Freddie breaking up with him-

“You’re breaking up with me?” David cried, true fear in his eyes. 

“I’m not,” Freddie insisted. “I just- David, I need to  _ think,  _ we  _ both  _ need to think. This isn’t-”

“Is it Roger?”

“This has nothing to do with him!”

_ “It has everything to do with him!” _

Screaming at each other. The cats howling. David throwing the ring against the wall. Freddie grabbing his arm and jerking him back around to face him, telling him to get a grip.

_ “Get a fucking grip, David, and  _ listen  _ to me.” _

David shoving him away. David swearing at him,  _ (“You’re a lying bitch! You’re a slut like they warned me!”)  _ grabbing the heavy glass ashtray and throwing it at Freddie’s head.

Freddie screaming and ducking to the ground, hands on his head as the ashtray shattered against the wall just behind him, inches away from his head. 

The sudden, awful silence. Freddie couldn’t breathe. Neither, it seemed, could David. All Freddie could think of was his parents dragging him down the hall and locking him in his room; all he could think of was Dazmen Yazadi’s smug smile, his total assurance that Freddie was his.

He thought of Ridge Farm, he thought of Paul slamming his head against the ground and trying to rip his clothes off.

He felt dangerously close to screaming and never stopping.

David sobbed, though his eyes were dry and he moved towards Freddie awkwardly, with uncoordinated steps, reaching out for him.

“Freddie? Fred, I’m  _ sorry, _ I didn’t-”

Freddie didn’t stop to think: he grabbed the fancy gilded candlestick from the table and swung it at David’s head.

Unlike David, he didn’t miss.

David screamed and staggered back, blood gushing from the large gash on his forehead. Shaking, quickly falling into a panic attack, Freddie ran from the flat.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_“If you're a lover, you should know, the lonely moments just get lonelier the longer you're in love, than if you were alone. Memories turn into daydreams, become a taboo. I don't want to be afraid; the deeper that I go, it takes my breath away, soft hearts, electric souls. Heart to heart and eyes to eyes. Is this taboo? Baby, we built this house on memories; take my picture now, shake it til you see it.” -House of Memories,_ ** **Panic! At The Disco**

  
  


David didn’t remember much after Freddie ran, but he supposed he must have called Benny, because his friend drove him to the hospital.

“Jesus Christ,” Benny kept muttering as he drove. “Jesus  _ fucking  _ Christ. I told you he’d be trouble.”

David shook his head, wincing as it throbbed. “No,” he said quietly, defeated. “I went for him first.”

He’d been angry before, who hadn’t? He’d shouted, he’d swore. He’d thrown things before. But he’d never thrown something at a  _ person. _

He was going to throw up, and he wasn’t sure if it was entirely because of the concussion.

  
  
  
  
  
  


They patched him up fairly quickly at the hospital. The nurse had a bright smile and fluffy blonde hair, and the doctor had a crooked nose.

“Nasty nick, eh?” he said, fixing David’s bandages. “What in the world did you do to yourself, son?”

“It was his fucking boyfriend,” Benny snapped. The nurse and doctor looked startled, worried, but David waved Benny away.

“My fault,” he said. “I…” He swallowed heavily. “I threw an ashtray at his head.” He thought of the engagement ring lying on the floor and felt woozy again. “I frightened him,” he whispered, and he knew he’d done so in more ways than one.

And he didn’t see how he could fix this.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The flat was empty when he got back. He wasn’t surprised. All of Freddie’s things were there, bar maybe an armful of clothes, but David didn’t have much hope of Freddie coming back tonight.

And then, as the silence dragged on, he realised what else was missing. He turned to Benny and said, “The cats aren’t here.”

Benny looked bewildered, but it did David in. He buried his face in his hands and burst into tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That happened.
> 
> Next time we'll actually be going back in time a bit, to see David's perspective on everything that led up to this: his depression, misplaced jealousy and the miscommunication on both sides, as well as exploring how David feels "robbed" that being with Freddie...hasn't fixed everything. We'll also be seeing the break-up conversation and aftermath.
> 
> HOWEVER, there's a hopeful ending tag and I promise I'll be sticking to that.


	3. Cardigan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets worse before it gets better, but get better it does.
> 
> There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING for attempted suicide (albeit, not graphic) starting at the lyrics for Amber Run's "I Found," and warning for mention of miscarriage starting at the lyrics for Queen's "Love of My Life." Stay safe 💕
> 
> Well, here we are. The final chapter, and I hope I managed to do it justice 💕

**_“But I knew you. Playing hide-and-seek and giving me your weekends. I, I knew you; your heartbeat on the High Line, once in twenty lifetimes, I...And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite. To kiss in cars, and downtown bars, was all we needed. You drew stars around my scars, but now I’m bleedin'.” -Cardigan,_ ** **Taylor Swift**

_ It was February when they met; a cold afternoon, drizzling and dark. _

_ It was one of those rare times that Benny let them hang around the studio for lunch. Usually they met up in a cafe down the street, Benny being worried about pissing his bosses off for “letting the public in.” _

_ Fair enough, David supposed. He figured that must be how songs were leaked. _

_ Benny was escorting David and two others, their friend Peter and Joseph, down the hall when David heard piano music. Benny cocked his head to the side, then grinned. _

_ “Sounds like Freddie,” he said. _

_ “Freddie? As in  _ Mercury? _ ” Peter demanded.  _

_ “Yeah,” Benny said with a shrug, casual as anything, used to being around stars. Show off. Peter and Joseph gaped at him and then, with nearly identical eager, mischievous grins, they turned in the direction of the music and ran for it. _

_ “Oh fuckin’ hell,” Benny swore. “Lads! Don’t you fucking dare!” He tore off after them, and David hastened to follow. Freddie Mercury? As in from  _ Queen?  _ Well, where else did you expect to find a singer, if not a recording studio? All the same, the very idea felt surreal. The idea of seeing that infamous singer anywhere but the telly or the stage, felt  _ off  _ somehow. _

_ But sure enough, there he was. _

_ “Oh, sorry, mate!” Peter said brightly. “Wrong room.” _

_ Freddie sat up straighter, frowning. His hands hovered above the keys on the piano and the more he looked at them, the more suspicious he looked. He clenched his fists tightly. _

_ “Sorry, Freddie,” Benny said quickly, pulling Peter and Joseph away. “They’re gobshites.” _

_ “Hm…” Freddie suddenly smiled, bright and dazzling. “No harm done.” All the same, he kept himself angled away from them. _

_ “Sorry,” Benny repeated. He gave their friend an impatient shove back down the hall, but David hesitated.  _

_ “I’m sorry about them,” David blurted out. He felt pinned to the spot by Freddie’s dark eyes. “They’re uh- well, they’re fans, and…” He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Sorry to bother you.” _

_ Freddie pursed his lips, but perhaps he decided David wasn’t a threat, because he shrugged, flipping his hair off his face. “Like I said, darling, no harm done.” _

_ That was when Roger Taylor arrived, shoving past David with a scowl. He looked even more suspicious than Freddie had; he stood between David and Freddie, arms folded, chin jut out at a challenging angle. His blue eyes were like ice. _

_ “Down boy,” Freddie laughed. “That’s just one of Benny’s friends.” _

_ Roger relaxed minutely, but he still went to Freddie and pulled the Omega into his arms, kissing him deeply. _

_ David thought it looked like he was marking his territory. The thought wasn’t a comfortable one. It made his skin itch. _

_ But Freddie only smiled at Roger and tapped him on the nose with a laugh, before turning back to David. “I didn’t catch your name, darling,” he said, leaning into his boyfriend’s side. _

_ “David. David Minns.” _

_ “Freddie Mercury,” Freddie said, as if David really had no clue. He had to bite back the urge to say “I know.”  _

_ Roger nodded at him, a wry smile on his face. “Roger Taylor,” he said. _

_ “Hi,” David said, somewhat limply. He suddenly felt scruffy, which was a ridiculous notion since Freddie and Roger were dressed so casually; no fancy clothes, stage-gear or make-up. They looked...Shockingly normal. _

_ Before he could think of anything to say, or even excuse himself, Benny came rushing back and grasped his arm. _

_ “Come on,” he hissed, throwing Freddie and Roger an apologetic glance. _

_ “See you!” Freddie called after them. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_“I can see you standin', honey, with his arms around your body; laughin' but the joke's not funny at all. And it took you five whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it, holdin' all this love out here in the hall. I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending. You're not my homeland anymore, so what am I defendin' now? You were my town, now I'm in exile seein' you out. I think I've seen this film before.” -Exile,_ ** **Taylor Swift**

“I can’t do this,” Freddie said. His wide, horrified eyes were trained on David’s stitches. David had to resist the urge to flatten his hair down. Resist the urge to pull Freddie into his arms and hang on.

“We can fix this,” David said.

“How?” Freddie demanded. His tone was cold, but his expression was still anguished.

David didn’t have an answer.

Roger and Brian were waiting outside in Roger’s car, David could see them through the window. It felt like a final insult.

“So, what, that’s it?” David asked bitterly. “You’re going back to  _ him? _ ”

Freddie’s sharp, frustrated sigh verged on being a laugh. He shook his head, hands on his hips. He kept his distance. “This was never about Roger,” he said. “Until you  _ made  _ it about him. Listen to me:  _ I’m not with him.  _ I’m not getting back together with him. I-” He broke off and shook his head. “Why didn’t you trust me?”

“I did,” David said. “It’s- it’s everyone else I don’t trust!”

Freddie’s expression crumpled at that. He took a tiny step forward. 

“This isn’t right,” he said quietly. “All of this.”

“We can  _ fix  _ it,” David repeated. “If we just- if we  _ try- _ ”

Freddie didn’t look convinced. 

Truth be told, David wasn’t either.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Their breakup didn’t get much press coverage, and for that, David was thankful. There were a few articles about Freddie being single again, rumours on which stars were eyeing him up now that he was “Free for the taking.” There were some passing comments, people insisting for the millionth time that this meant Freddie and Roger were going to get back together.

But as the weeks passed, Freddie and Roger  _ didn’t  _ get back together. 

Roger stayed with Dominique Beyrand. Brian stayed with Chrissie. John stayed with Veronica. And Freddie walked about with his head held high, and David thought he looked like he hadn’t a care in the world.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “You never answer questions about us,” David said. He was flicking through the latest interview with Freddie and, as per usual, his boyfriend had masterfully deflected all personal questions. _

_ Freddie’s eyebrows raised. He held Tom on his lap, and Jerry was snoring by his feet. His yellow jumper was much too big for him. _

_ “It’s called a personal life for a reason,” Freddie said. “I don’t think it’s any of their business.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_“I'll use you as a warning sign that if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind. And I'll use you as a focal point, so I don't lose sight of what I want. And I've moved further than I thought I could, but I missed you more than I thought I would. And I'll use you as a warning sign that if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind.” -I Found,_ ** **Amber Run**

Truth be told, David didn’t remember much of it when it happened. 

As the weeks passed, it felt like everything got worse at an alarmingly fast rate. He’d fucked it all up. He’d lost Freddie. He was stuck. He’d sold his flat to move in with Freddie, so he couldn’t even go home. It felt like a step back, like entire  _ leaps  _ backwards. He didn’t want to get up in the mornings. He felt sick as he took the bus to work. The sound of other people talking grated on his ears.

He’d been depressed for years, but he’d- he’d  _ managed,  _ he’d always insisted he was okay. That he could handle it, it would pass, it always did. But now...

He couldn’t tell which way was up, he felt like he was falling down a tunnel, waiting to hit the ground. Waiting for the light to come back.

Freddie didn’t come back.

David was staying in Benny’s guest room for the time being, until he could find a new flat. It felt, quite simply, like he had nothing.

He didn’t plan it. He didn’t write a note. Eyes blurring, his pulse pounding in his temples, David grabbed his antidepressants.

And he took the whole bottle.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “Benny?” David stood in the doorway, pale and sweating.  _

_ “Dave?” He sat up straight, staring at his friend in alarm. David had seemed fine all day, how could he be so ill so quickly. _

_ David’s smile was shaky, his eyes filled with tears. “I did something stupid…” _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Truth be told, one of the worst parts was how everyone tip-toed around him. They didn’t act like he was  _ crazy,  _ but they treated him like he was made of glass. Something fragile to be protected. His friends all looked at him with so much concern it was suffocating.

He didn’t tell his parents why he was really in hospital. He couldn’t fathom it. 

And then, maybe a week later, Benny stormed into the flat in a rotten mood and it all came pouring out. He’d seen Freddie and the other  _ Queen  _ boys at the studio, and it had burst out of him: he yelled at Freddie, accusing him, telling him everything  _ (“AND IT’S YOUR FUCKING FAULT!”),  _ until Roger had slammed Benny into the wall, growling, teeth bared in warning. John had swayed on the spot, Brian had looked ill, and Freddie…

Freddie had, apparently, looked terrified. Horrified, sickened, and everything in between.

“Why would you  _ tell  _ him?” David groaned, mortified. He pressed his face against his knees and refused to look up. “God, Ben, don’t you ever  _ think?  _ Why the fuck did you  _ tell  _ him that?”

Benny had the grace to look embarrassed, though still defiant.

“Yeah, well...It’s his fault,” he said gruffly.

David shook his head, tugging at his hair. He wished the ground would open up and swallow him. He wished he could disappear in the blink of an eye. Freddie  _ knew.  _ God help him, all of  _ Queen  _ knew. 

Sudden laughter bubbled in his throat and he fought to hold it back as the thought hit him:  _ Fuckin’ kill me. _

Maybe not the type of joke Benny would appreciate right now.

  
  
  
  
  
  


A week later, David was getting ready to go out. Benny raised his eyebrows, doing a double-take.

“Where’re you off to?” he asked, a little warily.

David pulled his jacket on. “Therapy,” he said, and marched out, ignoring Benny calling after him in confusion.

_ It’s a good idea,  _ David reminded himself. He wasn’t going to back out now.  _ Don’t be so chicken shit.  _ He still felt paranoid as he caught the bus, fidgeting in his seat, certain that everyone who so much as glanced at him could read his mind, that they  _ knew.  _

But he made it to the therapist’s office without incident. Steeling himself, trying to steady his breathing, David went inside.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_“Love of my life, don't leave me. You've stolen my love, you now desert me. Love of my life, can't you see? Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me, because you don't know what it means to me.” -Love Of My Life,_ ** **Queen**

There was a card from Freddie, and a letter, more of a note; only a page long. Apologising. Wishing him well. David wondered if it was better to keep it or toss it. Neither sounded like a good option.

He wondered about writing back.

After Benny’s outburst, John Reid cornered Benny and his boss and made it quite plain he was to stay away from  _ Queen.  _ David was just thankful that they didn’t seem to have told Reid exactly  _ why  _ Benny had lost it. He didn’t want his personal life spreading through all of the studio, thank you.

_ (Freddie raising an eyebrow, side-eyeing him. “It’s called a personal life for a reason.”) _

No. Best not to think of that.

He looked at the card, he looked at the letter, and he wondered about writing back. He wondered, but he didn’t.

To his own shock, he wasn’t sure he had anything to say.

  
  
  
  
  
  


It was 1978 when news of Freddie’s miscarriage was leaked to the press. It was an absolute shit-how; hundreds of people demanding to know who the father was, speculating, trying to bring it up in interviews, people gossiping on the radio, a tragedy plastered across the front pages.

David didn’t dare write to Freddie directly (he wasn’t sure of his address anymore, he had to admit), but he did write to the usual address for all  _ Queen’s  _ fanmail. He marked it for John Reid’s attention and made sure to sign his full name. He wondered if Reid would even pass it on. He hoped so. 

_ “I get it,”  _ he wanted to say.  _ “At least, I think I do. And I’m sorry. I hope you’re okay. I’m okay, are you?” _

Because it had been a year and David  _ did  _ feel better. His friends took it in turns to keep a strict eye on him, and he supposed they thought they were being subtle, but he knew. And, weirdly, it didn’t annoy him anymore.

He felt better. Maybe not  _ okay,  _ but better.

He looked at the picture of Freddie on the front page; it was a shot from one of their concerts, Freddie in an all white outfit, hair flying, eyes dark and wicked.  _ Are you okay?  _ he thought.  _ I hope so.  _ Prayed even. 

The thought of Freddie didn’t plunge him into despair. Thinking of that last, terrible fight still made his skin crawl, but it didn’t make him want to run and hide anymore. He felt...Better.

He hoped he’d  _ keep  _ feeling better. He hoped this wasn’t his best. He  _ wanted _ to be at his best.

Once, he had dreamed of a future with Freddie in it, front row and centre. He had dreamed of marrying him...He could admit now, that was partially because he’d been so certain someone would steal Freddie away. David hadn’t trusted other people and- he had to face up to it- he’d stopped trusting Freddie.

_ “What attracted you to him?”  _ his therapist had asked more than once, gently prodding. At first, David had listed the usual reasons: Freddie was funny, and attractive, talented and sweet. And one day, he’d blurted out,  _ “He always seemed to be smiling. He just...He seemed like he knew what he was doing. Like he didn’t have a problem in the world.” _

_ “And did he?” _

_ “Yeah,”  _ David had admitted.  _ “He had his own problems and I...Didn’t really believe it, I guess.”  _ He remembered biting at his nails as he spoke, quite a recent habit.  _ “I thought…”  _

_ “Thought what?” _

_ “I thought he’d fix mine.” _

But that hadn’t been fair, had it? And maybe David still had a habit of beating himself up.

_ You have to fix it yourself,  _ David reminded himself firmly. And he could. He  _ would. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


**London, 1990…** **  
** **_“I can see the end as it begins, my one condition is: say you'll remember me, standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe, red lips and rosy cheeks. Say you'll see me again, even if it's just in your wildest dreams.” -Wildest Dreams,_ ** **Taylor Swift**

To say it was a long time until he saw Freddie again was an understatement.

He was out with friends, another Saturday night at the pub, quiet as far as nights out went. He was leaning against the bar when he spotted Freddie down the other end, speaking with a petite blonde woman-  _ Mary,  _ David realised. He peered around and, yes, sure enough, there was Roger, Brian and John, there was Veronica, Anita Dobson and Debbie Leng; there was Freddie’s husband, and Joe Fanelli, and Peter Freestone.

_ Fucking hell,  _ David thought, slightly hysterical. He felt like his eyes were about to pop out of his head. 

But he looked back to Freddie, who was frowning at the cocktail menu. Mary said something to him, pecked him on the cheek and hurried off in the direction of the ladies room. David watched her go.

Then, all but holding his breath, he went to Freddie.

He looked different. Very different. But then again, David knew he looked different too.

They were both very different.

“Freddie?”

Freddie glanced at him with a frown- and slowly, his eyes widened. He stood up straight, dropping the cocktail menu back onto the bar. Before he could say anything, David held his hand out.

“I’m David Minns,” he said. He could feel himself blushing, but he held Freddie’s gaze. For a moment, the Omega looked utterly bewildered, but understanding slowly dawned on his face.

With a little smile, shy and sweet, Freddie shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you, darling,” he said with a barely-there chuckle. “I’m Freddie Hutton.”

Once, that would have felt like a stab in the heart, but now David’s smile widened. “It suits you,” he said.

Freddie grinned, ducking his head to hide his teeth, but he peered at David with that curious, shy smile.

“How have you been?” he asked quietly.

“Better,” David said honestly. “Much better.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
**_“And then I can tell myself what the hell I'm supposed to do. And then I can tell myself not to ride along with you. I had all, and then most of you; some and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met...” -The Night We Met,_ ** **Lord Huron**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In today's news, I left my scented candle lit for too long and now my room absolutely REEKS of jasmine.
> 
> ANYWAY, thank you all so much for reading, leaving kudos and commenting, you're all amazing 💕 Next up in this series should be the snippets of Freddie's solo album!
> 
> Until next time ❤

**Author's Note:**

> The thing about David is, here, he's intended to be a bit of an "Evan Hansen" character- he's not malicious, exactly, but he has Freddie on a pedestal. He has this idea of what Freddie is.  
> And putting your partner on a pedestal doesn't end well.
> 
> Strap in, lads, we're back with more drama!


End file.
